Resting
At last, it is Winter Break. I have spent three and a half months working and going to school full-time, and I am still trying to find the balance between dedicating myself to artistic growth and focusing on my career. Eventually, I am sure, it will be the same thing, but for now, they are separate.
It’s hard.
Of course, there is the physical demand. I spent the last couple of years focusing on my survival. The pandemic, getting laid off, moving, getting a new job, moving again, getting engaged, getting another new job, moving again, getting married, MOVING AGAIN was exhausting. I longed for stillness and got it, just to decide to go back to school where I am constantly moving. My knees hurt. My ankles hurt. My back hurts. I push through my tiredness every day. I haven’t done dancing at this level or taught an in-person dance class for three years. My body feels that gap every day. “My God, I should’ve stretched more.”
With everything going on, what has become most important to me is resting. What resting looks like has changed. It used to be that I could hang out in bed all day, hop out the next morning, and feel good as new. Now? All I will feel is stiff. Instead, I choose to move more slowly. I allow myself to meander, giving my body a reprieve from the grueling schedule, but remain focused on the things I want to accomplish.
I took time off from being chronically online as well. My brain only has so much capacity, my energy has to be stored for my studies and being around people. So. Many. People. I had not realized how taxing interacting with people in person every day would be for me. It’s nearly a sensory overload every time I walk into a classroom and everyone is talking at once. Resting has meant intentionally searching for moments of quiet wherein I can ground myself before going to another class or work meeting.
I underestimated how much my needs would change. I had not expected the picture of what resting looked like to shift, but I am glad that it did. My body feels more dependable as time marches forward to the spring semester.
